One Fine Day
One fine day, I got up nice and early and decided to improve at taking care of myself. I said to myself “let’s practice not thinking too much for a day. This might help calm my overworked mind and help me relax.” Soon after, I noticed a scrunched crisp packet in my son’s room, and immediately my mind started overthinking the history and all the details of the packet, ignoring what I thought I had agreed just a few moments earlier. I panicked after realizing that if I continued this I’d only fail at taking care of myself. I rushed to the window and decided to gaze up at the sky, hoping it would help. But then my mind noticed how unusual it was for the sky to be blue during this time of the year and we thought about how blue sky made me happier than the melancholic grey. My mind and soul kept thinking about the grey sky, and immediately started overthinking the history and all the details of grey sky and the miserable events that occurred on a grey day. “Oh no, this isn’t working” and I realised I wasn’t very good at convincing my mind to stop thinking too much.
One fine day, I got up nice and early and decided to improve at taking care of myself. I said to myself “maybe I should try eating healthy for a day — you know, less carb, less coffee, less sugar. Basically, try and stop having everything I liked for a day because it was not really good for me”. I needed my mind and my body to work with me for this as it was good for them and so good for me. I did well for breakfast — I was happy with a pot of yogurt. However, as lunch approached I was starving, and I really wanted to eat something I liked. But no. I couldn’t. I decided against my usual cheese sandwich, diet coke and a packet of crisps and chose a salad bowl instead — which was a decision I regretted. The vegetables took for ever to chew and when I bit into a cherry tomato, the taste of it seemed so sour it made my jaw spasm. Although the food was garbage, I couldn’t give up my goal! I heard my mind repeatedly yelling “STOP!” and my stomach attempted to push everything back up. Clearly this wasn’t taking care of myself — I was torturing myself. “Taking care of myself” wasn’t really working but I knew there’s always tomorrow and I hoped to get better at it.
One fine day, I got up nice and early and thought I was a total failure at relaxing my mind and eating healthy. I tried that for one whole day, it didn’t work. It was a sign that it would never work, and I decided to improve at taking care of myself. But this time it must be something completely new. I said to myself “How about I improve my fitness?” I chose to cycle to work, and it would be a breeze, because I always liked cycling as a child. I decided to buy a bicycle over the weekend, tried cycling in my neighbourhood, it helped so much, and I knew I was ready for Monday. I took the bike, started riding it, everything was so pleasant. Me, my mind and my body working in rhythm, appreciating how well we got along. Then I hit a literal uphill (not a metaphorical one). By the time I reached the top, my mind was holding a neon display saying “DEAD”. All the air from my lungs seemed to have been sucked out of my body. My body reacted to this by palpitating so much that I was sure I had a heart attack. I decided to stop attempting to bike to work, went back home, called in sick and decided this is another way of torturing myself and not taking care of myself. The plan was to make my mind and body healthier, I couldn’t just hurt them! I realised that deep down, I never wanted to cycle to work and I said, “I should find other ways of getting fitter, not now though — maybe later”.
There were so many other fine days when I got up nice and early (mostly because I couldn’t sleep) and decided to take care of myself and by the end of the day lost motivation. I realised I clearly couldn’t influence my body or mind to change. Although I felt inspired about getting better at taking care of myself I failed miserably at it. I couldn’t direct my mind and body into doing anything good for myself. I felt that I was going to literally break apart due to self-loathing.
Then, one fine day I got up nice and early (mainly because I was up all night) and thought if “Taking care of myself” was a software product I wanted to sell, and my customers were my mind and body. Me (my soul) being the product owner, thought “what would the MVP of ‘Taking care of myself (beta)’ be? Well, it should have one of each feature I want to sell”. I could choose the tiniest possible thing that would get approval from my body and my mind. So overall the beta version would cater of a calmer mind, healthy food and a fitter body. I did a few things: firstly, I decided to stop looking at my device after nine p.m. on work nights. I chose to drink fizzy water instead of coke and increase my general water intake. I chose to take a stroll in the evening with my pre-teen son as it gave us some quality time and I felt good about getting more active every day. Since my “beta version” released I have been sleeping better on weekdays. I’m hydrated through the day, so I have moister skin and less hunger pangs. I really like my evening walks as it serves more than one purpose. My body and my mind like taking care of me”so much that they sometimes ask for it on a weekend.
With my initial success, I plan to introduce tiny changes by being aware of the impact and reaction to change my “customers” would have.
Taking care of yourself is not easy, you must find your own path, the path that would get approval from your body and mind. I have ignored them so long that they have become the bosses of me . so it is going to take a lot of time for me to influence them and put them back into order, so I can be content with myself for ever. I realized I don’t need any inspiration from outside to be able to take care of myself, I just need to know what my “customer” wants.
